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You Have Two Cows E-mail
Tuesday, 07 February 2006
Sometimes for us MMORPG players it is difficult to explain to a not MMORPG veteran what our games are, what are the differences between them, that there is something more than just exping to gain levels to get better equipment to exp faster to gain levels to get... ok, you know (is there really more???? Kiss).

BUT!
But believe me, there IS a way.

Let's start.
City Of Heroes
You have two cows. The GMs decide that Blasters are underpowered, so they take away one cow from every character, and make bosses and arch-villains harder to hit.

Dark Age of Camelot
You have two cowsongs. Someone steals them. You curse and make death threats at the top of your lungs.

EVE-Online
You have two cows. In ten days you have the skill to handle three cows. Unfortunately cows are sold 24 jumps away in a 0.1 sec system and costs 2000,000,000.01 ISK.

Everquest
:/sit
:/camp
:It will take 30 seconds to prepare your camp...
:It will take 25 seconds to prepare your camp...
:GandalfKevin yells for help
:GandalfKevin says 'Help!"
:Cow1 says 'You have ruined your own lands, you will not ruin mine!!'
:Cow2 says 'You have ruined your own lands, you will not ruin mine!!'
:Cow1 crushes YOU for 217 points of damage!
:You are stunned.
:Cow2 crushes YOU for 204 points of damage!
:Cow1 crushes YOU for 325 points of damage!
:Cow2 crushes YOU for 880 points of damage!
:Cow1 tries to hit YOU, but misses!
:You are stunned.
:Cow1 crushes YOU for 440 points of damage!
:Cow2 crushes YOU for 544 points of damage!
:You have been slain by Cow2!
:LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...
:You have entered Freeport.
:Gandalfkevin tells you 'Sorry'
:You reply to Gandalfkevin 'Asshole"
:/shout "Can I get a SoW for CR please!?'

Lord of The Rings Online
You have two cows, and one ring. The cows are killed on a long and arduous quest to destroy the ring.

Lord of The Rings Online #2
When Mr. Cowco Bovine announced that he would shortly be celebrating his two cows 11th birthday with a special party of magnificence, there was much talk and exitement in Cowitton.

Lord of The Rings Online #3
Three cows for the Elven kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-Lord in their halls of stone,
Nine for the mortal men doomed to die,
Two for the Dark Farmer on his dark throne
In the Land of Cows where the Barns lie
Two Cows to rule them all, Two Cows to find them,
Two Cows to bring them all and in the cowness bind them
In the Land of Cows where the Barns lie.

Ogame
flotten [2 cows] is coming to your planet

MUDs
You are standing in the middle of a field. To the north there is more field. To the east you see a small farmhouse. To the south you see animals in a field. To the west you see a field.
        A cow lazes in the grass.
        A cow lazes in the grass. You own this cow.
        A cow lazes in the grass.
        A cow lazes in the grass.
        A cow lazes in the grass. You own this cow.
        A cow lazes in the grass.
    con cow
        cow is level 1 cow. He is huge compared to you. Attacking it would be suicide.
    kill cow
        You begin combat with the cow!
        You miss the cow.
        The cow INCINIFRIES you with it's laserrifle and hex vision! (1386)
        You are dead.

Ragnarok Online
You have two cows. You kill them and you start to shine. After this, you kill a lot more cows, earn money and buy a Two Cows Hat.

Runescape
You have been killed. All items and gold have been taken from your inventory and put where you died. This includes your Two Cows. Another player takes your Two Cows and kills them to gain Attack Points.

Runescape2

Examine 2 cows. They convert grass to beef.

Runescape 3
You have two cows. You trade them for a paper hat. Four years later, you trade the paper hat for 200,000 cows.

Star Wars Galaxies
May two cows be with you.

Star Wars Galaxies - Rebel Facion
Two cows, you have.

Star Wars Galaxies - Empire Faction
"Only together can we turn the cows to the Dark Side of the Fence."

The Matrix Online
"The two cows are the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."
"You've got to let it all go, Neo. Free. Your. Cows."
"Do not try to understand what the two cows are saying. That's impossible. Instead, you must try to realize the truth."
"What truth is that?"
"There are no cows. Then you will see that it is not the cows that moo, but only yourself."

World of Warcraft
You have two cows. You disconnect from the lag. You go complain on the forums about how you can't have fun because if you don't play with your two cows in order to get that sword that someone else could get easier. You also demand monetary recompensation for the time you won't get to play with your two cows. You make some lame, incoherent, empty threats that involve switching to Everquest, but when the server is finally back up you go and play with your two cows and forget this
ever happened. The Alliance wins, but the Horde wins the battlegrounds all the time, and you complain on the forums about that too.

World of warcraft 2
<Trade - Orgrimmar>Bigbeef: WTS [Two Cows], 20g. /w me
<Trade - Orgrimmar>Arkarian: lol, n00b, [Two Cows] is quest item, so soulbound, rofl.
<Guild>Arkarian: lol, some guy tried to sell [Two Cows]
<Guild>Somedutchguy: hahaha, what a n00b.
<Trade - Orgrimmar>Bigbeef: WTS [Two Cows], 20g. /w me.

World of Warcraft 3
You have two Tauren. They are both Level 60. For the Horde!!!
 
 
Thanks a lot to the Uncyclopedia. Read their Two Cows Jokes  page for more.
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